you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
