Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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