she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize