Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
