i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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