She's JV to your varsity
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
