Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
