Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
