ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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