apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
