One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
