I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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