Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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