that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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