I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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