Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
