After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
