I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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