Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
