May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
