Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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