If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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