so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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