I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
