yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
