Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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