rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
