Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
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