Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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