I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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