The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize