im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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