I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
