Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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