Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
