i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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