yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize