i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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