so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
