was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
