I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
we're making bets on your personal life
Actions speak louder than pants.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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