if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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