I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
