just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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