Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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