She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
