The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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