Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize