you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
