The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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