he puts the penis in happiness.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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