i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
