I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
