The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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