carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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