I didn't shave. On purpose
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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