That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just cut my nipple shaving
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
