First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
