It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just found a bag of teeth...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
