My nipple is on Facebook.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
