i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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