Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize