I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
