I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
