I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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