and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
