Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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