whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
