I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
