sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
