the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
